"I knew it was a crime but I did it anyway. Why argue about it? I'm a fucking criminal."
That awful feeling when a store manager or guard puts his hand on you. It only took once for me. Long's in San Mateo. I was 14. Mortifying.
I'm with you: stealing is for dopefiends. The only law I had no problem violating was CPC 647(b)... well, that possession of a controlled substance, but WTF. I haven't done the latter going on 30 years and I'm too old for the former... probably.
It goes without saying I love everything you write, so there.
Guy Debord emphatically whispered in my ear 'take your desires for reality', so began my year of crime. My only rule was steal from the rich. My targets were high style: I still have a gold wristwatch from Wilkes Bashford, but those skinny 80s snakeskin suspenders fell apart years ago. Squatter pals from Bound Together were stymied by padlocks, so I walked out of a hardware store like a cowboy, with 36" bolt cutters in my pants. Inverted champagne bottles tuck nicely in a belt, and nestle under your arms; wear a t-shirt, they're cold. The end of my shoplifting career was walking out of Neiman-Marcus with an Issaye Miyake shirt of exquisite texture in my bag; the humiliation of a plainclothes cop noting we had mutual friends in Stockton killed it. He got the shirt, but missed the belts, sweater, leather gloves, and cashmere socks hidden around my outfit. I was the best dressed anarchist in town, and while I was banned 'for life' from Niemans, they still gave me a credit card 20 years later. Money heals.
now i can't get that lyric and Bonnie Raitt's voice outta my head: "Well i'm guilty.... yes....guilty...and i'll be guilty for the rest of myyyyy liiiiiiiiife!! lol
Cintra, we do what we must do. Your painting of the cagey monkey is most apropos.
"I knew it was a crime but I did it anyway. Why argue about it? I'm a fucking criminal."
That awful feeling when a store manager or guard puts his hand on you. It only took once for me. Long's in San Mateo. I was 14. Mortifying.
I'm with you: stealing is for dopefiends. The only law I had no problem violating was CPC 647(b)... well, that possession of a controlled substance, but WTF. I haven't done the latter going on 30 years and I'm too old for the former... probably.
It goes without saying I love everything you write, so there.
Let's do lunch next time I'm in the SFBA.
You know it!
“Well, I’d like to, but I’m a little tied up at the moment.” Love.
Guy Debord emphatically whispered in my ear 'take your desires for reality', so began my year of crime. My only rule was steal from the rich. My targets were high style: I still have a gold wristwatch from Wilkes Bashford, but those skinny 80s snakeskin suspenders fell apart years ago. Squatter pals from Bound Together were stymied by padlocks, so I walked out of a hardware store like a cowboy, with 36" bolt cutters in my pants. Inverted champagne bottles tuck nicely in a belt, and nestle under your arms; wear a t-shirt, they're cold. The end of my shoplifting career was walking out of Neiman-Marcus with an Issaye Miyake shirt of exquisite texture in my bag; the humiliation of a plainclothes cop noting we had mutual friends in Stockton killed it. He got the shirt, but missed the belts, sweater, leather gloves, and cashmere socks hidden around my outfit. I was the best dressed anarchist in town, and while I was banned 'for life' from Niemans, they still gave me a credit card 20 years later. Money heals.
You’re absolutely incredible. I want to reincarnate as you.
now i can't get that lyric and Bonnie Raitt's voice outta my head: "Well i'm guilty.... yes....guilty...and i'll be guilty for the rest of myyyyy liiiiiiiiife!! lol
classic cintra!
Thank you sweet David!!
Ha!! I too had a brief if mildly successful fling with shoplifting back in the pre-cellular days. Enjoyed this story much!!
“hanuman” is my favorite painting of yours.
wanna buy it?
i am but an impecunious poet, but curious all the same
write me at cintraw@gmail. I offer reasonable term financing.
An Amazon double refund means an angel gets her wings.