29 Comments

Northeast chiming in here, 100% with you on the clothing, the not giving a fuck, and complete dismay at watching our sisters down south weave that 18th century feminine witchcraft on men.

Expand full comment

I guess I will just have to keep coming back here! Thanks to Wonkette for sending me to this article!

Expand full comment

🌈Wonkette!🌈 Also came from there and subbed here. This was so good!

Expand full comment

Please return!

Expand full comment

Thank you for being here! You sound sympatico.

Expand full comment

Fantastic writing. Out in northern California, land of no makeup & shapeless clothes to show what virtuous & serious neo-puritans we are, we could stand to be a little more 'belle.'

Expand full comment

I know, right?? I'm right there with you in shapeless black.

Expand full comment

My mother hailed from Northern Alabama; almost a Yankee. The girls you profiled are real and are very entertaining. You nailed it, lady!

Expand full comment

Thank you Mr. Bitzan!

Expand full comment

In a chapter brimming with baroquely hilarious phrases, one deceptively simple passage hits especially hard: "They don’t treat men like equals; they treat men like men."

Expand full comment

I'm not even sure what it means, it's just true.

Expand full comment

Hilarious, true, and enjoyable to listen to/read. Thank you!

Expand full comment

Thank you Mary Ann!

Expand full comment

Truth. First day of freshman year in my dorm at a Southern college I earnestly asked the girl across the hall what her major was. “I’m here to get my MRS.” was her sincere and lilting reply. She did before the second semester. I dropped out and moved back North. I could never do it but I do respect it. Great article.

Expand full comment

It's hard not to respect, it's so effective. Yet anathema to me.

Expand full comment

“A ballet of gesticulations” is the best phrase ever. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Expand full comment

Thanks man. I think I first thought of that one when I was about 19.

Expand full comment

My wife is from southern Puerto Rico. She married her high school sweetheart. They’re still together.

Expand full comment

This is it!! The chapter that literally changed my life! To attract the non psychopath, I now get my nails done on a regular basis (amoung other girlie routines). It doesn't come naturally to me to feel like I have to put in this much effort, but...

Expand full comment

I went the opposite direction and stopped giving a fuck entirely.

Expand full comment

As a professional jazz saxophonist and amateur martial artist, my experience couldn't have been more different. Yet in a way it was the same. Guys have knowledge, I wanted that knowledge. The tactics described in this article can be applied whether wearing a beige see-through blouse with blue bra, or sweatpants. Although I must concede that the former may bestow an advantage.

Expand full comment

Oh, it does.

Expand full comment

convincing Scarlett voice but i listened mostly to hear the tonal iterations and tells of "risible sluts"

fine piece of reporting and no doubt aided and betted by the "cocktails" which are indeed the key to understanding this South from the SEC inner sanctums to endearing hustlers with high heeled boots as well i agree Texas has slipped the bit of being lumped in with "southern", by now its its own abstraction

on a more melancholy note the decades-long torment of Natalee Holloway's mother to find closure amidst the threat to all women within their unique and dangerous vulnerability having accepted certain sensibilities well its a bitter reminder for sure

Expand full comment

Nailed it!

Expand full comment

Welcome to the South, honey! In case you haven't come across any (yet), also know that there are Southern queer high femmes. We know all the belle tricks plus a whole bunch the straight girls haven't cottoned to. We also know feminism. Intimately. Worlds within worlds, let me tell you what.

Expand full comment

When I was in high school, my dad and step mom lived in Summersville, West Virginia. Small town, one traffic light, sheriff and a deputy.

I spent two Summer breaks there. I learned a lot there and it was the first time I saw coal miners in person and knew their kids. The kids in the neighborhood were fascinated that I was from NYC and didn’t carry a gun. They were also blown away by my New Yawk accent. 😎

Expand full comment

No, Texas aint Southern. Texas is California in the South.

Expand full comment