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appleton king's avatar

those little fuckers will gently luck.out peanut butter forever...ya gotta harden cheese a day or 2 and press that in there....best thing i used but it takes up room is a Yooper trap...you can drown em that way in a 5 gallon bucket not a bad way to go but spring traps most humane

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Ali Hrycyk Riley's avatar

We used to twist a dollop of peanut butter into a little square of saran wrap and twist it into a candy-death-kiss. The extra second it takes for them to chew through is the key to the non-escape of the mouse trap hammer-down. Mind you, this is when I lived off grid on the Slocan river in the BC Kootenays. I was so cavalier about undoing the trap and flinging the mouse carcass into the st. John's Wort bushes...(had to get it past a certain radius on account of the bear). Now I'm a "town mouse" again and luckily no vermin, if I saw one these days I'd scream like a 6 year old.

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Chris Norris's avatar

Oh man, did you really try to *rent* a cat? How very Japanese of you.

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Joseph Belli's avatar

Ah, infestation, a subject I am unfortunately all too familiar with. Your NYC mice are house mice, mine are deer mice, but same behavior. I’ve done live trapping and kill traps, but no glue or poisons.

There’s an old saying “build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door.” Those old-fashioned snap traps are hard to beat, but not foolproof. I had a mouse somehow spring the trap on one of its hind legs; it was walking around the house like Jacob Marley, dragging the trap behind. Another time I was upstairs and started chasing a mouse downstairs. I smacked my knee hard on the wooden dresser and howled in pain as the mouse stared at me. I was so pissed I took off my shoe and threw it; killed it right away.

I didn’t want to resort to killing; I remember playing “Safety Dance” over and over at high volume because someone said loud music drives mice away, but all it did was drive me nuts.

If Elon truly is the engineering genius he would have us believe, he’d be the one building a better mousetrap!

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Julie Steward's avatar

When I had rats in my garage {{ horrors }}, I called my exterminator and he did some kind of mojo with a poison that kills them via dehydration. Yes, this sounds horrific, but if there’s a mouse staring at you at the end of the bed, then Good Googly Moogly! It’s time to go DEFCON 4 at least.

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Stephen F Perkins's avatar

Hilarious! One of your best. I especially like the smorgasbord of religions, and attempting to rent a cat.

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Debra Rapoport's avatar

I feel your pain. It's hard to balance the tin and yang of life. Doing the right thing. Have you thought about getting an older cat? Then I would get steel wool or those copper scrubbing pads and plunge up every hole I could find. Finally, I would tell the landlord to fix this issue from the bottom up of the building.

Best wishes to you for a prosperous and happy New Year.

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Joyce Wadler's avatar

is there someone in your building who will loan you cat for a few hours? I did that years ago when I had a mouse and it never came back. I never saw any mouse remains. I think maybe the cats smell lingered under the radiator or something, but try it. There are worse things in January then a nice warm cat to snuggle.

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Mark Johnson's avatar

Firstly, the Christmas Miracle gave me a lift! Secondly, why rent when you can borrow? Don’t give up on the cat idea. Get a friend to bring a cat over for a couple weeks and guaranteed those mices will be crawling up lamp cords on a different floor. Thirdly, California awaits your return!

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Courtney Daniels's avatar

I’m bummed you’re having to deal with this! Can they be trapped and given to an animal rescue group?

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lou J's avatar

Not that you seek a solution-maker or anything, but it occurs to me you could always go the Never Cry Wolf/Alone route and eat the lil' nuggets. Seems like a lot of work, but it might be satisfying. Not nutritionally, but revengefully, ya know?

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Cintra Wilson's avatar

Did Jamie Oliver ever do a recipe for Pukka Mice?

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lou J's avatar

Ha! Perhaps I’ll work on one, send it to Jamie for approval. Perhaps you will sample? Now I wanna tell a frog leg story. Should probably write it up.

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Jim Blake's avatar

get a small dog, a "ratter" like a Sydney Silkie or other.

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Verifiable Bobbles's avatar

Your writing is always chock full of miracles - thank you for providing another charmingly humorous, if varmint-infested, reprieve from the dismal monster miscreant pageant perseveratively defiling most of the rest of the godforsaken internet.

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Cintra Wilson's avatar

Welcome home.

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lou J's avatar

You DO in fact make every story a delight, every detail a zinger, whether I end up laughing, squirming or screaming. Trying to save up so I can pay for my subscription and hope it helps address your current sitch. But then I wouldn’t have read what so thoroughly enjoyed.

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Cintra Wilson's avatar

Girl you are why I keep it free.

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lou J's avatar

Can I send ya a story I’m proud of? Say, make an exchange?

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Benjamin Haas's avatar

Please let me know if you find success in banishing the furry varmints. I am also plagued by a tiny, cute rodent problem, with them playing Squid Game-style games of chance and ambition (minus the gory death, of course), side-eyeing and laughing at me while I try to eat dinner, watch tv, or fall asleep. I've reached an accepting detente with the Mus musculus family that co-inhabits my landlord-neglected apartment, but I wish it was more Frederick-bringing-sunshine than Algernon-bringing-shit.

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Andrea Stein's avatar

Does one of your neighbors have a cat? All you have to do is have the cat hang out in your place for a couple of hours. Seriously.

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Dax Zimmerman's avatar

Tremendous like usual.

I almost crawled out of my own face. That and Central Americans in my bed only if I feel like it.

You’ve still got it

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