Only you can make me laugh with either a single word (WHOARE) or with this hilarious comma: IF YOU ARE A "SINGER" WHY DO YOU DRESS LIKE A WHOARE? ARE YOU A
WHOARE, ALSO? Bwaa-ha! It’s the effort of accretion, the desire to know for sure that is planted in “,also” like an afterthought. I don’t mean to murder to dissect here. I just want to shine the brightest spotlight possible on every iota of your skewering, precise prose; you are funny also.
one of my most prized possessions is a note that my son wrote me at a very young age critiquing an outfit of mine. it says (in barely kindergarten age print) “you look like a hore.”
Thanks for the preview, or postview? Is there a way to purchase the book that benefits you most? I don't have the modern money things that make this substack work, but I can give a friend (or local bookstore) the paper stuff.
Hey there! Thank you so much for asking, as an author, I really appreciate it. Actually, I don’t seem to make any money off my books, held as they are by large publishing houses who have never sent me any kind of report on their sales. Send my Substack to a couple of friends, that’s the kindest thing you can do!
Will do and will source used copies then, because fuck that racket. I knew them having to recoup $x was a thing but "We don't know you"?! How do the biggest ventures get so big without basic accounting skills.
Time to re-read COLORS INSULTING TO NATURE. It was really something to find out how much better I had it going to high school in an ignorant swamp town near the Everglades in 1960, but your expression of California hiskool hijinks is so artfully written that it makes adolescence interesting to a borderline senile former college teacher. Bravissimmo!
“Better” would really be pushing it. If you remember the high school flick that George Lucas did before STAR WARS, that’s the time period. It inspired HAPPY DAYS because the early Sixties were sort of indistinguishable from the Fifties. In Homestead we had less cruising room in the city limits, and certainly no Wolfman Jack as a Geeek chorus on the car radios. AMERICAN GRAFFITI took place in California, after all. We were more like PORKY’S. We even had a cathouse called the Sugar Shack out in the boonies. A few of us tried very hard to have the song “Sugar Shack,”which was, by sheerest coincidence, popular at the time, chosen as the senior class song. The administration at the high school were unfamiliar with teen music or, presumably, the whorehouse, but the squares in the student council knew that we weren’t the right sort (and, perhaps, that the football players were going to the Sugar Shack for what they weren’t getting from the cheerleaders), so we wound up with “Moments to Remember.” At this juncture you are probably thinking that I measure my age in triple digits, but honestly, I’m no older than Richard Dreyfuss (protagonist of GRAFFITI) or, for that matter, Donald Trump. I got out of there as soon as I could and things were definitely on the upswing. Compared to anything that occurs in your writings, my life has been downright quaint. Laughter has always been the most important thing in my life, though, and I think you’ve probably added a year or so to my life all by yourself. Much obliged!
I enjoyed this essay and shared some of this life in Riversid, Southern California. We had every single person in that town shown in the movie American graffiti including a blonde in a keyboard and it was not ironic it was true
Good lort. I dictated that reply without checking. I'm sorry. Clearly Siri had been drinking. I tried to talk to her about her problem but she's in denial and she says it's my problem.
Once again.. enthralled by your descriptive mojo. And after that excerpt —although I have studied the art of insult for decades— I’ve decided to ask you if you would teach a class, or mentor me in the art of belittling, crushing, trolling, taking the wind out of, professional tormenting otherwise the Art of the Witty Insult. There are so many dank trolls out there that need their butts righteously handed back to them. I also happen to think you should give a Webinar in the Craft of the Crushing Comeback as well.
Awwwww.... I did many years ago. A woman I actually liked but didn't think she had any interest in me asked me if I would go with her because she has season tickets at the opera. And I didn't realize she was asking me out on a date. So I lost out and only years later did I realize she was sending me every signal on the planet And I was so clueless. Why are we like that?
That absolute rascal, Count Monterone... May he be hung from the rafters like a Viennese Sausage!! The real thing not the canned substitute.
I love opera. I hated it on the radio but when I actually saw it it is the finest entertainment that humankind have ever invented
I pretty much agree with you. Sitting through an entire opera is kind of torturous for me because of the ADHD but in retrospect I am so delighted I have that in my brain.
I can imagine!! Not only because AdHd… but their entire sense of time was different than ours. Church for example took the whole weekend if not the whole day Sunday. That was how young men met young women.
To be invited to a dinner party meant arrive in at 2-3 and not leaving until well after midnight, if at all, and to be engaged in the REAL art of conversation. Time was slower, and so events and social engagements stretched to fit.
I do hot have aDhD, but I have a relentless curious mind and crave information, so bore easily.
But you and peoplle like you are the closest I can get to that ancient art of conversation. Thank you.
I feel your pain (ha). I honestly do...it's not that I have the means to pay it forward to everyone who makes me think and laugh and makes me wanna do the right thing. I don't. It's because, damn you...you deserve it and I can prioritize my life to honor this. I'm a Substack paid subscription virgin (new here)...you will be my first!
I pledge to do my very very best for you. It means the world to me. It really makes a difference in my life. Thank you so so so so so so much Ms. Chong!!!!
Only you can make me laugh with either a single word (WHOARE) or with this hilarious comma: IF YOU ARE A "SINGER" WHY DO YOU DRESS LIKE A WHOARE? ARE YOU A
WHOARE, ALSO? Bwaa-ha! It’s the effort of accretion, the desire to know for sure that is planted in “,also” like an afterthought. I don’t mean to murder to dissect here. I just want to shine the brightest spotlight possible on every iota of your skewering, precise prose; you are funny also.
There's nothing like having a sister like you that finds EVERY EASTER EGG I hide in a sentence.
I am nothing without you. I love you.
😘
nooooooooo… two weeks?!
Sorry Mama! I usually do an original and then a reprint and then an original and then a reprint. Hang in there!
I first heard “why doncha wrap your laughing gear around the snotty end of my fuckstick” at Erno’s. Great story! As per usual
Thank you my bandy former vivisectionist
I must have gotten it from you!
it would have been something I shared with you!
I hadn’t laughed so hard in a while. I guess I can wait the two weeks.
You are genius storyteller !
You are genius painter! Forever!!
This is so good! what a joy to read.
Thank you so much lovely Janine!!
one of my most prized possessions is a note that my son wrote me at a very young age critiquing an outfit of mine. it says (in barely kindergarten age print) “you look like a hore.”
Beautiful.
Where's that "shocked" emoji when you need it? My mother would have ended me.
he was so little and the misspelled insult made it extra cute
So fantastic. I made a picture of a great black leader in first grade and in big letters across the top it said "Martian Luther King."
Coz he was from Mars, apparently.
ohhhh this will be good origins of lorna/cintra....
who can get enough of that houseboat life?
not me
Thanks for the preview, or postview? Is there a way to purchase the book that benefits you most? I don't have the modern money things that make this substack work, but I can give a friend (or local bookstore) the paper stuff.
Hey there! Thank you so much for asking, as an author, I really appreciate it. Actually, I don’t seem to make any money off my books, held as they are by large publishing houses who have never sent me any kind of report on their sales. Send my Substack to a couple of friends, that’s the kindest thing you can do!
Will do and will source used copies then, because fuck that racket. I knew them having to recoup $x was a thing but "We don't know you"?! How do the biggest ventures get so big without basic accounting skills.
I saw every scene in my mind. Can't wait for the next installment.
Time to re-read COLORS INSULTING TO NATURE. It was really something to find out how much better I had it going to high school in an ignorant swamp town near the Everglades in 1960, but your expression of California hiskool hijinks is so artfully written that it makes adolescence interesting to a borderline senile former college teacher. Bravissimmo!
Thanks so much Mr. Morey!! Your experience was better, huh?
“Better” would really be pushing it. If you remember the high school flick that George Lucas did before STAR WARS, that’s the time period. It inspired HAPPY DAYS because the early Sixties were sort of indistinguishable from the Fifties. In Homestead we had less cruising room in the city limits, and certainly no Wolfman Jack as a Geeek chorus on the car radios. AMERICAN GRAFFITI took place in California, after all. We were more like PORKY’S. We even had a cathouse called the Sugar Shack out in the boonies. A few of us tried very hard to have the song “Sugar Shack,”which was, by sheerest coincidence, popular at the time, chosen as the senior class song. The administration at the high school were unfamiliar with teen music or, presumably, the whorehouse, but the squares in the student council knew that we weren’t the right sort (and, perhaps, that the football players were going to the Sugar Shack for what they weren’t getting from the cheerleaders), so we wound up with “Moments to Remember.” At this juncture you are probably thinking that I measure my age in triple digits, but honestly, I’m no older than Richard Dreyfuss (protagonist of GRAFFITI) or, for that matter, Donald Trump. I got out of there as soon as I could and things were definitely on the upswing. Compared to anything that occurs in your writings, my life has been downright quaint. Laughter has always been the most important thing in my life, though, and I think you’ve probably added a year or so to my life all by yourself. Much obliged!
I enjoyed this essay and shared some of this life in Riversid, Southern California. We had every single person in that town shown in the movie American graffiti including a blonde in a keyboard and it was not ironic it was true
Good lort. I dictated that reply without checking. I'm sorry. Clearly Siri had been drinking. I tried to talk to her about her problem but she's in denial and she says it's my problem.
Siri is a lush
Once again.. enthralled by your descriptive mojo. And after that excerpt —although I have studied the art of insult for decades— I’ve decided to ask you if you would teach a class, or mentor me in the art of belittling, crushing, trolling, taking the wind out of, professional tormenting otherwise the Art of the Witty Insult. There are so many dank trolls out there that need their butts righteously handed back to them. I also happen to think you should give a Webinar in the Craft of the Crushing Comeback as well.
Sincerely… the Dottore Responsabile.
The crushing comeback is a double-edged sword! Did you ever see the opera “Rigoletto?” I cried for DAYS.
Awwwww.... I did many years ago. A woman I actually liked but didn't think she had any interest in me asked me if I would go with her because she has season tickets at the opera. And I didn't realize she was asking me out on a date. So I lost out and only years later did I realize she was sending me every signal on the planet And I was so clueless. Why are we like that?
That absolute rascal, Count Monterone... May he be hung from the rafters like a Viennese Sausage!! The real thing not the canned substitute.
I love opera. I hated it on the radio but when I actually saw it it is the finest entertainment that humankind have ever invented
I pretty much agree with you. Sitting through an entire opera is kind of torturous for me because of the ADHD but in retrospect I am so delighted I have that in my brain.
I can imagine!! Not only because AdHd… but their entire sense of time was different than ours. Church for example took the whole weekend if not the whole day Sunday. That was how young men met young women.
To be invited to a dinner party meant arrive in at 2-3 and not leaving until well after midnight, if at all, and to be engaged in the REAL art of conversation. Time was slower, and so events and social engagements stretched to fit.
I do hot have aDhD, but I have a relentless curious mind and crave information, so bore easily.
But you and peoplle like you are the closest I can get to that ancient art of conversation. Thank you.
Damn Cintra. I may be $5 poorer this month. And next. and so on...
If you got the means baby….I don’t!
I feel your pain (ha). I honestly do...it's not that I have the means to pay it forward to everyone who makes me think and laugh and makes me wanna do the right thing. I don't. It's because, damn you...you deserve it and I can prioritize my life to honor this. I'm a Substack paid subscription virgin (new here)...you will be my first!
I pledge to do my very very best for you. It means the world to me. It really makes a difference in my life. Thank you so so so so so so much Ms. Chong!!!!