I considered it a high honor many years ago when one of my high school students encased my stapler, tape dispenser and scissors in a giant vat of jello, a prank perhaps improved for me because I had yet to see an episode of The Office. Maybe even better was a prank in my 3rd (of 34?years) teaching was a student ordering me a subscription to Playboy delivered to my Junior High school address. I was quite surprised to see it “unprotected” in my mailbox with a mailing label including my name, the name of the school etc. Later in the day, I thanked all my classes for the kind subscription, but said I probably would have preferred a subscription to Harper’s. Many more, but those are the ones that come to mind. Almost sad im heading to retirement.
That penis prank had me laughing for several minutes before I could finish the rest of the article! My dad, raised in Brooklyn in the 40s, was a great prankster, and as kids, my sister and I never tired of hearing his stories. He always said the one he regrets not getting to do was throwing a carton of ping-pong balls off the Empire State Building (though he did do big boxes of gum rubber shavings).
For some reason, every delivery order from a certain deli near G.P.Putnam's Sons at Madison and 36th included a cello-wrapped square of Melba toast. For roughage? Nobody ate them so they stacked up in an old box for layout wax. Twice a year the box needed emptying. The four art department windows (huge double-sash and openable) overlooked Madison. Attaching each Melba to a large rubber band, we shot them out over Madison, four teams of two shooting as quickly as possible, cheering, "Melba toast to the people! Melba toast to the people!" After work, people on the street noticed the litter of rubber bands and Melba toast packets. Huh, what the hell do you suppose all that's about.
I am deeply moved. I'm not certain that the Statute of Limitations has been reached for my own acts of Punk Rock vandalism at Tam (when the Sex Pistols were still a band)...
I don’t generally lean toward violence but those things sure do bring out a beastly instinct. I’ve woken many times aware I have dreamt up some delicious poetic justice.
Some years ago, a number of large bricks of cocaine washed up on the beach where I'm from. It was possibly a drug deal gone awry- the dropper-off would have anchored the pallet out at sea and given a GPS location to the picker-up, who was meant to fetch it on a boat, but maybe sharks gnawed through the chain, or who knows what. In any case, by the time the washed-up drugs were retrieved by the cops there was one brick missing. Speculation was rife in the Valley as to who had it. We razzed my friend's 80-year-old Mum that it was her. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/aug/08/cocaine-worth-2m-washes-up-on-new-zealand-beach (Only 19 found- where is the 20th???)
Anyway, a couple of local lads dummied up a fake brick out of gladwrap and duct tape, laid it on the beach, then hid in the dunes and filmed people's reactions. I wondered if one of these pranksters was the same childhood friend who once constructed a fake child out of stuffed clothes in order to throw it off the cliff near his house as cars passed underneath.
Brings to mind when I was in Tehran in 1977 there were 2 pranksters tryiing to take advantage of the habit of Iranian pedestrians tossing coins on the bodies of people dead in the gutter. One of them played dead with a trench coat over his body to collect the coins - a bus rolled over him and killed him.
This one's a goldmine. You should totally get back into publicly faking injuries and ailments. Last summer I toured The Breakers with the fam. We were met there by my conspirator of now 40 years, who brought canes that he and I might feign mobility issues. We split up and slowed down traffic through the opulence. You can get away with anything as a mature adult.
Oh, you got it bad. On sex ed day my mom actually showed up and sat on a folding chair behind all of us sitting on the gym floor. But my classmates were inexplicably compassionate. One guy leaned over to me and said, "You got six kids in your family, doesn't she already know all this shit?"
My worst laughing at the wrong time was when my mom and I were in what used to be Robinson's Department store. I was about 15. At the time we did not like shopping together. We were hanging in there, but the tension was high. I turned just in time to see a woman set her crutches on the top step of the descending escalator, then realize that she couldn't make the hop onto the moving ever farther away from her, next step. The look on her face was so incredulous. Something inside of me broke open and I started to giggle and slumped down at my mother's side. She was saying "Stop it! Stop it" between her teeth having no idea what had set me off. which just made me laugh harder. So inappropriate I'm ashamed to share this.
Not a single word of this surprises me and I feel somehow closer to you now although I lack the soul of a vandal. I hope you can accept my revolting do gooder tendencies and love me despite my disability.
Love,
Your friend Elizabeth in Chicago who still read aloud from A Massive Swelling at parties and funerals.
My friend Chris and his sister are both adopted. He is white, she is of Korean parentage. They lived in North Carolina or somewhere like that. His sister was being called horrible names by some asshole when they were all in high school. Chris went to the sport and hunting store and bought a bunch of deer urine and proceeded to inject it into the upholstery of the asshole’s truck. Odorless at first…… then progressively worse. I love this story. And you, Cintra.
Back in the days of faxes, I once created a fake cover sheet and fake letter from a fake customer complaining about a colleague of mine for egregious, unprofessional behavior. I then sent it to someone outside the company so they could fax it in from an external number. Then I happened to find the fax when it came in and did this guy a “favor” by showing it to him as a heads-up. He was convinced he was going to be fired. It was fantastic.
I would have been a founding member of Club Ho-Ho. I can’t believe none of your classmates wanted in on that.
I considered it a high honor many years ago when one of my high school students encased my stapler, tape dispenser and scissors in a giant vat of jello, a prank perhaps improved for me because I had yet to see an episode of The Office. Maybe even better was a prank in my 3rd (of 34?years) teaching was a student ordering me a subscription to Playboy delivered to my Junior High school address. I was quite surprised to see it “unprotected” in my mailbox with a mailing label including my name, the name of the school etc. Later in the day, I thanked all my classes for the kind subscription, but said I probably would have preferred a subscription to Harper’s. Many more, but those are the ones that come to mind. Almost sad im heading to retirement.
Time to offer vandalism workshops.
•Practical Vandalism for Everyday Thrills
•Vandalism: Is It Meant for You?
Cintra should stage a conference. I'd go.
That penis prank had me laughing for several minutes before I could finish the rest of the article! My dad, raised in Brooklyn in the 40s, was a great prankster, and as kids, my sister and I never tired of hearing his stories. He always said the one he regrets not getting to do was throwing a carton of ping-pong balls off the Empire State Building (though he did do big boxes of gum rubber shavings).
For some reason, every delivery order from a certain deli near G.P.Putnam's Sons at Madison and 36th included a cello-wrapped square of Melba toast. For roughage? Nobody ate them so they stacked up in an old box for layout wax. Twice a year the box needed emptying. The four art department windows (huge double-sash and openable) overlooked Madison. Attaching each Melba to a large rubber band, we shot them out over Madison, four teams of two shooting as quickly as possible, cheering, "Melba toast to the people! Melba toast to the people!" After work, people on the street noticed the litter of rubber bands and Melba toast packets. Huh, what the hell do you suppose all that's about.
Oh, that is fantastic. New York in the 70s, I'm assuming? What a place, whatever decade.
Delightful
I love this guy
I am deeply moved. I'm not certain that the Statute of Limitations has been reached for my own acts of Punk Rock vandalism at Tam (when the Sex Pistols were still a band)...
I think every city needs a vandalize-Tesla-truck-club.
Don't you just want sticker the living hell out of those ugly-ass cybertrucks? Good luck getting those off, ass hat!
You inspired me to post this note should you care to cast a vote and make a comment:
https://substack.com/@louj1/note/c-84817975?r=270xom&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
I don’t generally lean toward violence but those things sure do bring out a beastly instinct. I’ve woken many times aware I have dreamt up some delicious poetic justice.
Some years ago, a number of large bricks of cocaine washed up on the beach where I'm from. It was possibly a drug deal gone awry- the dropper-off would have anchored the pallet out at sea and given a GPS location to the picker-up, who was meant to fetch it on a boat, but maybe sharks gnawed through the chain, or who knows what. In any case, by the time the washed-up drugs were retrieved by the cops there was one brick missing. Speculation was rife in the Valley as to who had it. We razzed my friend's 80-year-old Mum that it was her. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/aug/08/cocaine-worth-2m-washes-up-on-new-zealand-beach (Only 19 found- where is the 20th???)
Anyway, a couple of local lads dummied up a fake brick out of gladwrap and duct tape, laid it on the beach, then hid in the dunes and filmed people's reactions. I wondered if one of these pranksters was the same childhood friend who once constructed a fake child out of stuffed clothes in order to throw it off the cliff near his house as cars passed underneath.
So this. All of this. So very.
Brings to mind when I was in Tehran in 1977 there were 2 pranksters tryiing to take advantage of the habit of Iranian pedestrians tossing coins on the bodies of people dead in the gutter. One of them played dead with a trench coat over his body to collect the coins - a bus rolled over him and killed him.
This one's a goldmine. You should totally get back into publicly faking injuries and ailments. Last summer I toured The Breakers with the fam. We were met there by my conspirator of now 40 years, who brought canes that he and I might feign mobility issues. We split up and slowed down traffic through the opulence. You can get away with anything as a mature adult.
Oh, you got it bad. On sex ed day my mom actually showed up and sat on a folding chair behind all of us sitting on the gym floor. But my classmates were inexplicably compassionate. One guy leaned over to me and said, "You got six kids in your family, doesn't she already know all this shit?"
My worst laughing at the wrong time was when my mom and I were in what used to be Robinson's Department store. I was about 15. At the time we did not like shopping together. We were hanging in there, but the tension was high. I turned just in time to see a woman set her crutches on the top step of the descending escalator, then realize that she couldn't make the hop onto the moving ever farther away from her, next step. The look on her face was so incredulous. Something inside of me broke open and I started to giggle and slumped down at my mother's side. She was saying "Stop it! Stop it" between her teeth having no idea what had set me off. which just made me laugh harder. So inappropriate I'm ashamed to share this.
Nothing you do surprises me for even a nanosecond. That's a good thing. Per this post,
there's a book in there somewhere... if I had a spare moment I could suggest titles! <3 U
I’m lying here lmao and tears are rolling into my ears-thanks, Cintra! ❤️
Not a single word of this surprises me and I feel somehow closer to you now although I lack the soul of a vandal. I hope you can accept my revolting do gooder tendencies and love me despite my disability.
Love,
Your friend Elizabeth in Chicago who still read aloud from A Massive Swelling at parties and funerals.
My friend Chris and his sister are both adopted. He is white, she is of Korean parentage. They lived in North Carolina or somewhere like that. His sister was being called horrible names by some asshole when they were all in high school. Chris went to the sport and hunting store and bought a bunch of deer urine and proceeded to inject it into the upholstery of the asshole’s truck. Odorless at first…… then progressively worse. I love this story. And you, Cintra.
Pure genius!🔥
I love you back, Dr. Pocock.
Back in the days of faxes, I once created a fake cover sheet and fake letter from a fake customer complaining about a colleague of mine for egregious, unprofessional behavior. I then sent it to someone outside the company so they could fax it in from an external number. Then I happened to find the fax when it came in and did this guy a “favor” by showing it to him as a heads-up. He was convinced he was going to be fired. It was fantastic.
I would have been a founding member of Club Ho-Ho. I can’t believe none of your classmates wanted in on that.
I wish we had been in high school together! That was a good one!!
We would have had a blast