That portrait is wonderfully odd and uncanny and the dad is a dolt. He commissioned a painting, for heaven's sake, not a polaroid. Haggling as he did is grotesque.
People have been asking me to paint portraits for 55 years - I NEVER do it. It's impossible to make someone happy with a portrait. To make yourself feel better here google: Lyndon Johnson reaction to Peter Hurd presidential portrait. Upon seeing Picasso's portrait of her, Gertrude Stein remarked, "...But it doesn't look like me." Picasso responded: "In 50 years this is how everyone will know you." When you become a rich and famous painter this man's daughter and your portrait will be riding your coattails to the stars.
I’m shocked that your post generated so many supportive responses. I’m an artist, and by any standards your portrait of the little girl is objectively awful! Your ability and skill level is not up to the task.Portraiture is a very difficult, complicated and specific style of painting.It takes many years of study, with a pro like the instructor, Alain Picard, to even contemplate attempting one... and especially of someone’s young child.You should never have agreed to do this commission. I have so many questions... why didn’t you attempt to obtain better photographs when you knew the original ones were inadequate? Why didn’t get an objective opinion from an artist friend before you sent the photo? You knew you were in over your head from the very beginning. Blaming the father and the child for the “dark circles” seems childish, mean-spirited and irresponsible and then lambasting the Dad’s socioeconomics, politics, looks, lifestyle and the clothing choices when he was disappointed and angry about the shitty end product. And then you quibbled with him over 50 bucks! You should be delighted to have been paid a dime by him and you should hang your head in shame for writing this essay,which says a lot more about you than it does about your client. Jeez. If you are going to continue to do commissions get some professional art training and bone up on some art business knowledge. There are tons of books and videos out there on the subject.And please, for the love of God, get your head out of your ass and grow up!
I absolute LOVE the painting, and, if it is within my “budget”, would certainly buy it if for sale (fingers crossed hopefully). It captures a goofy sooner trickster quality of mischief-making exactly like the granddaughter I’ve been babysitting since she was born exhibits. She bites her sister (or grandma) and then immediately feels much better having let off the steam, and then lovingly tries to console her victim with cute smiles and gifts. And she Carrie’s around a babydoll, often dangling it by a limb. It’s a great portrait!
That painting actually looks a lot like the mural I was paid to do once of a family’s kids. In their basement play room. While they ran around like, well, like kids and bugged me and called me names. When I told them to knock it off, they told me they’d get me fired. It was a full wall mural done from photos of the kids on the beach. I don’t think anyone was happy with the end product, but they did pay me… and I almost quit painting. And by the way, I think the goggles are a brilliant touch.
“ — bone structure like Ferraris!” That’s the take away for the day! Yeah, sometimes you just seem to step in it taking a commission you probably have a sense you shouldn’t. Then you wonder how Francesco Goya got away with painting the Spanish royals as they actually were! And he got paid!!!
I love what you came up with. It kind of reminds me of Alice Neel's work. She painted people as they were. In my experience over a zillion different lives as a potter, painter, and seamstress, it never paid to take on commissions. I may go as far as to say some people who request commissions have already decided they will raise a stink so they can get a lower price. That's why it is imperative to get at least 1/2 the price as a non-refundable down payment. But we live and learn. I paint for me exclusively now, subjects of my choice, hoping to sell, but not counting on it. I'd rather skip a meal or two than sell my soul. Keep painting. Keep writing. YOU WILL BE OK! I'm an old lady, I know stuff!
I want every kiddo in my piercing chair to feast their eyes on this Dr. Evil/ Bettie Davis love child. The Fanatical Fanta orange goggles will no doubt bring flights of soda pop giggles to the children of Blue Lotus. Fanta flavored gummy giggle goggles are included with every service.
This hilariously encapsulates why I rarely accept commissions. There is only one possible scenario where I would undertake a commission like that: They will pay the full amount upfront and accept whatever I deem appropriate - no arguments or changes, whatever the outcome. The artist is always right. Anyone who asks an artist to undertake a commission must trust that the artist is a god in their own domain and thus infallible. I know this to be true because I worked as a commercial artist for many years where the client is always right (even when they are often patently wrong).
You had me laughing so hard reading this that I had to take off my glasses to wipe the tears from my eyes. Those day glow goggles are absolutely brilliant!
That portrait is wonderfully odd and uncanny and the dad is a dolt. He commissioned a painting, for heaven's sake, not a polaroid. Haggling as he did is grotesque.
"Nobody is capable of seeing someone else’s child through the Vaseline delusions of parenthood."
"I should have known what a sniveling half-person, soulless yuppie and unmanned predator drone he was just by the fact that he is a lawyer."
These are PRICELESS & HILARIOUS.
XO - Bob
People that don't understand that this is a work of humor: please go back to your bomb-shelters.
People have been asking me to paint portraits for 55 years - I NEVER do it. It's impossible to make someone happy with a portrait. To make yourself feel better here google: Lyndon Johnson reaction to Peter Hurd presidential portrait. Upon seeing Picasso's portrait of her, Gertrude Stein remarked, "...But it doesn't look like me." Picasso responded: "In 50 years this is how everyone will know you." When you become a rich and famous painter this man's daughter and your portrait will be riding your coattails to the stars.
I’m shocked that your post generated so many supportive responses. I’m an artist, and by any standards your portrait of the little girl is objectively awful! Your ability and skill level is not up to the task.Portraiture is a very difficult, complicated and specific style of painting.It takes many years of study, with a pro like the instructor, Alain Picard, to even contemplate attempting one... and especially of someone’s young child.You should never have agreed to do this commission. I have so many questions... why didn’t you attempt to obtain better photographs when you knew the original ones were inadequate? Why didn’t get an objective opinion from an artist friend before you sent the photo? You knew you were in over your head from the very beginning. Blaming the father and the child for the “dark circles” seems childish, mean-spirited and irresponsible and then lambasting the Dad’s socioeconomics, politics, looks, lifestyle and the clothing choices when he was disappointed and angry about the shitty end product. And then you quibbled with him over 50 bucks! You should be delighted to have been paid a dime by him and you should hang your head in shame for writing this essay,which says a lot more about you than it does about your client. Jeez. If you are going to continue to do commissions get some professional art training and bone up on some art business knowledge. There are tons of books and videos out there on the subject.And please, for the love of God, get your head out of your ass and grow up!
Two things:
1) Man, do I wish I wasn’t a poor bitch because I sooo want to BUY THAT PAINTING.
2) “Alcoholic potato” is *chef’s kiss* 🤌🏼 I’m CRYING.
❤️
I absolute LOVE the painting, and, if it is within my “budget”, would certainly buy it if for sale (fingers crossed hopefully). It captures a goofy sooner trickster quality of mischief-making exactly like the granddaughter I’ve been babysitting since she was born exhibits. She bites her sister (or grandma) and then immediately feels much better having let off the steam, and then lovingly tries to console her victim with cute smiles and gifts. And she Carrie’s around a babydoll, often dangling it by a limb. It’s a great portrait!
The goggles are the coup de grace, brava. Do you know why they bury lawyers 12 feet under? Because deep down they're really nice.
That painting actually looks a lot like the mural I was paid to do once of a family’s kids. In their basement play room. While they ran around like, well, like kids and bugged me and called me names. When I told them to knock it off, they told me they’d get me fired. It was a full wall mural done from photos of the kids on the beach. I don’t think anyone was happy with the end product, but they did pay me… and I almost quit painting. And by the way, I think the goggles are a brilliant touch.
WC Fields: never work with children or animals. So, stay away from the dog portraits! I really like the goggles. Can we see Voltaire?
“ — bone structure like Ferraris!” That’s the take away for the day! Yeah, sometimes you just seem to step in it taking a commission you probably have a sense you shouldn’t. Then you wonder how Francesco Goya got away with painting the Spanish royals as they actually were! And he got paid!!!
I love what you came up with. It kind of reminds me of Alice Neel's work. She painted people as they were. In my experience over a zillion different lives as a potter, painter, and seamstress, it never paid to take on commissions. I may go as far as to say some people who request commissions have already decided they will raise a stink so they can get a lower price. That's why it is imperative to get at least 1/2 the price as a non-refundable down payment. But we live and learn. I paint for me exclusively now, subjects of my choice, hoping to sell, but not counting on it. I'd rather skip a meal or two than sell my soul. Keep painting. Keep writing. YOU WILL BE OK! I'm an old lady, I know stuff!
I want every kiddo in my piercing chair to feast their eyes on this Dr. Evil/ Bettie Davis love child. The Fanatical Fanta orange goggles will no doubt bring flights of soda pop giggles to the children of Blue Lotus. Fanta flavored gummy giggle goggles are included with every service.
Wow. I LOVE THIS PAINTING! It’s complex and interesting and unique. Love the background, love her hair, love her earnest expression. BRAVA!!
This hilariously encapsulates why I rarely accept commissions. There is only one possible scenario where I would undertake a commission like that: They will pay the full amount upfront and accept whatever I deem appropriate - no arguments or changes, whatever the outcome. The artist is always right. Anyone who asks an artist to undertake a commission must trust that the artist is a god in their own domain and thus infallible. I know this to be true because I worked as a commercial artist for many years where the client is always right (even when they are often patently wrong).
You had me laughing so hard reading this that I had to take off my glasses to wipe the tears from my eyes. Those day glow goggles are absolutely brilliant!